Thinking a lot about work...

Well, let me just say I'm thinking a lot about my paid work. I'm a social worker and I work in mental health. I've been drawn to social work for as long as I can remember. My passion lies with working with women who have experienced trauma as a result of some kind of abuse; I love bearing witness to the transformation women make. Watching a woman in crisis grow from being a timid wall-flower into a strong, confident power in her own right is incredible...there truly are no words to describe how wonderful it is for me to be part of that process.

As much as I love being a social worker, I've been flirting with other callings as well. For instance, as a way to deal with infertility and get a reprieve from the stress of my work, I began taking baking classes. I was there to do something completely different and was looking to have a little fun in the kitchen. Not only did I have a lot of fun, I found a passion for baking! My friend, Kathy and I, took basic baking lessons from Micheal's and it was great! We couldn't continue because between the both of us getting pregnant, neither of us had the energy to work full-time and take baking lessons at night. Kathy recently had her son...I wonder how she'll feel about returning to baking adventures a year from now...

I feel like I can't change careers right now...there are too many changes happening in my life right now to think about changing careers. And I don't know that I have enough talent to be a professional pastry chef. I do know that I'm a damn good social worker and having my own practice as a therapist has been a dream of mine for a very long time. Perhaps I need to focus on what I know and move towards being my own boss. And perhaps I could the therapist who provides nourishment for the soul and stomach :)

Let me introduce myself...

January 27, 2010

I'm a 30-something year old woman, married to a 30-something year old amazing man. We've made a great life for ourselves and are hoping our little family of two will become three.

I finally took the plunge. I've started a blog. I've been thinking about this for a while. My husband and I have been trying to concieve our first child almost 4 1/2 years. So far, the journey has been a roller coaster. This is my story of infertility, miscarrage, hope, inspiration and hopefully, motherhood.

Here is a quick and dirty timeline of our journey so far:
November 2004 - threw out the last of my birth control pills.
September 2005 - first cycle of trying to conceive. BFP, which ended in an early loss.
June 2006 - suprise BFP. Loss in July 2006.
November 2006 - BFP. Another loss.
January 2007 - Started with an RE. Standard testing done. DH's SA was great. Two mystery cysts found on my left ovary, which my RE wasn't concerned about.
April 2007 - First round of clomid with IUI. BFN.
May 2007 - Second round of clomid with IUI. BFN.
June 2007 - Third round of clomd with TI. BFP. Yup, you guessed it...another loss.
December 2007 - At my insistence, I had a laporoscopy, which removed the mystery cysts and confirmed a diagnosis of endometriosis.
January 2008 - Started with another RE.
June 2008 - First round of Repronex and Puregon. BFP. Blighted ovum discovered at 6 weeks. My asshole RE didn't want to give me the bad news and let me carry a dead baby in my belly until 9 weeks, when I went to my OB. Misoprotal taken to start a miscarriage but didn't clear out all the "tissue". November 2008 - d&c done to clear out everything. Okay, moving onto another RE.
November 2008 - Met with my third (and final) RE. First cycle of Gonal-F. BFN.
February 2009 - Second cycle of Gonal-F. BFP. Heart beat at 6 weeks. Loss at 7 weeks.
May 2009 - Surprise BFP. Heart beat at 6 weeks. Thundering heart beat of 160 at 8 weeks...YAY!!!!!! Searing abdominal pain at almost 9 weeks. Loss discovered at 10 weeks. Seriously thinking about living childfree because I am so emotionally fragile.

So, that's my journey so far. Dr. S suggested we take a break...fine by me. I need a rest from the trauma of consistent BFN's and the devastating loss of the BFP's I do get.

Dr. S also suggested we do IVF w/ PGD (a process to rule out chromosomal abnormalities). I start meds for our first (and hopefully) only IVF this Sunday. Fingers crossed that this will finally us a healthy baby.

In the midst of my quest to motherhood, I've developed a passion for baking and a love for cooking. This is bizzare because I never dreamed I had culinary skills...who knew?

I have a long time love for reading and I enjoy almost all genres. Susan Isaacs and Janet Evanovich are two of my favourite authors.

My youngest sister and I are taking up yoga. Let me tell you, watching my 125 pound sister do yoga poses with grace and balance is a real slap in the face when I look at my big body struggling to not fall flat in my ass.

Thanks for reading.