Readers, I owe you a sincere apology. I have not updated my blog in months and yes, I've been a bad blogger. So far, the summer has been extremely eventful and full of surprises. And with that, here is my update.
I finally graduated with my degree in social work...YAY!!! As I was doing this program part-time, it took me a long time to get to the end of the road. So relieved to be finished! I got a letter from my university, congratulating me on making the dean's list; it was wonderful to get such great news. I'm applying to do my master's but certainly need a break from school for now.
In other news, S and I booked a trip to St. Maarten! We are leaving for a week on September 3rd. I can't wait warm my toes in the sand and run around on the beach! A vacation is just what we need and we are definitely excited.
My niece and nephew are getting to big! My niece, Savanna, is crawling now and she is so fast! She is doing a great job of using the couch to pull herself up and can take about 3 or 4 steps before landing on her tush :) She is so amazing. My nephew, Ian, is only 2 months old and growing up so fast. He discovers new things every day and seems amazed by the world around him. I'm having issues with them growing up so quickly...gah!
As you know, S and I decided to move on from TTC. Here is a brief recap of my infertility struggle. S and I have been TTC #1 since September 2005. We tried on our own for a year, which resulted in 3 heartbreaking losses. We started seeing a RE in January 2007. A lap in December 2008 revealed endo. By July 2009, I experienced 4 more devastating losses; clomid, injectables, blood thinners and tons of testing couldn't make my body carry a pregnancy to term. After back-to-back losses last year, S and I took a break for the rest of the year to recuperate and save for IVF w/ PGD. We decided to do one IVF only because we didn't think we could go on for much longer. Living in the trenches of infertility is hell on earth and we were nearing our breaking point.
In March 2010, we cycled for IVF and started to feel excited, even hopeful. We were devastated when the cycle ended in a BFN. At our WTF appointment, my RE said our issues are two-fold, (1) I have poor egg quality and, (2) my body's ability to detect abnormalities is compromised (which is why my body allows pregnancies to happen with bad eggs) so, each time I get pregnant, it ends in loss. This was his best educated guess as to why I keep having recurrent losses. His suggestion was DE. Emotionally exhausted, physically drained and hanging onto a few shreds of sanity, S and I made the choice to stop TTC and live childfree. Suffering from the battle scars of 4 1/2 years of infertility and miscarriage, we were ready to pursue new adventures in life. And of course that is when fate (or whatever) chose to play with us.
When AF was late the cycle right after our disastrous IVF cycle, I nervously tested and honestly, that had to be the longest 3 minutes of my life. I was terrified I was pregnant because based on my history, pregnancy simply does not end well for me. I looked at the test and saw the word "pregnant" staring back at me. I immediately started to cry and these were not tears of joy. You would think I would have been over the moon to see a BFP but all I could see was another loss waiting to happen. To say I have been living with my stomach in knots since seeing that BFP is an understatement; the agony of going through an ultrasound, waiting to hear if there is a heartbeat or not...it is torture. I've never been able to get past 9 weeks and at every u/s, I was terrified. 9 weeks went by, then 10 weeks, then 11 weeks and finally, 12 weeks - weekly u/s' showed my little one growing nicely :)
After my IPS scan, I was discharged from my clinic to the care of my OB. The first time I went to my OB's office, I felt like I was finally let into an elite club. I sat in her office, in total disbelief. I honestly never thought I would make it to an OB. And yet, there I was, receiving a package of pregnancy information with my name on it...my name!!!
Today, I am 4 months pregnant and due in mid-January. Although things are progressing well, S and I remain cautiously excited. We are extremely aware that the bottom could fall out at any time. We are taking it one step at a time and taking deep breaths along the way. So, for today, I am pregnant and I love, love, love my baby. And I promise to be a better blogger :)
